I was lucky You were part of my life for 43 years. I know, many people are not that fortunate to enjoy the company of their grandmother for such long time. For a months I heard worrying news about the state of Your health but I did not expect that I am going to see You last time in the hospital. This letter is now for You. Moreover, I am hoping, this post will also serves us as a reminder to help living a more fulfilling life.
You were born one year after the World War 2 started (in 1940). You grew up in a a very turbulent and scary World but thanks to Your parents, You survived it with all Your siblings. You were raised in a farm, where You got used to scarcity but also experienced caring love. You always talked about Your beloved parents so respectfully and with so much love. As You had many brothers and sisters, You may had only one toy as a child but You rather preferred to play outside with Your siblings. It was a different World than now. You learnt to appreciate the few belongings You had, the quality time with Your family, Your health and the food on the table.
Education was difficult in that age, You were allowed to complete only the primary school. Despite the lack of higher education, You always had a job. I mostly remember for you as a pensioner because in the last 30 years this is how I knew You. You were raised in a beleif that only those work hard can survive and succeed in life. I respect that but I have decided a different life. I feel, You were always surprised how I chose to succeed in my life. You could not relate to my traveling lifestyle, my career path but I could sense a genuine happiness radiating from your eyes knowing, I am well and happy. When I worried about the next step in my life, You always reinforced in me saying “It has never been so, that it wouldn’t have been anyhow. Everything will be ok.”
Then You met with the love of Your life, with my grandfather. You built a cozy house together what You could call Your home. This home through Your life served us as a happy place for everyone in the family; we celebrated so many birthdays, name days, Easters and Christmases there all together. I loved the summer vacations in Your home because I could hop on my bike and I could visit You and we could spend time together. You always waited us with freshly baked cookies and cakes and we, Your grandchildren knew, this is a way You showed Your love to us. You were the heart of the family, connected siblings, children and grandchildren together. Bringing Love, Peace and Understanding in the family were Your main personal mission in the family.
Unfortunately, You were only 40 years old when Your husband and our grandfather passed away. It was so tragic and unacceptable! He died in pancreatitis thanks to a GP, who misdiagnosed the symptoms. The pain You went through was unbearable and clearly, in the next 44 years in Your life You could not move on without him. A huge part of Your heart died with Your beloved husband. You always talked about him with so much love and respect. Even You had an other man in Your life whom You lived with a longer time together, he could not replace the love of Your life in Your heart. In the family everybody knew, a big part of Your soul were buried in that grave with our grandfather. We suggested You need a professional therapist who can guide You through the grieving process. Somehow, this never happened. You were battling with many illness, took daily 8-12 medicines through decades. People who knew You said, You are an “ill woman” and You were simply not blessed with a good health. In my opinion, the mental pain You went though, caused You all kind of physical illnesses in your body. No surprise why You had so much problems with Your heart. We tried helping, talking about the importance of mindset but You were raised and “programmed” differently, believing only to doctors. You were raised in a belief mind and body are separate and no connection between them. So no blame on You. You frequently visited the GP, took those tablets in a hope, You will feel better. Actually, those medicines only slowed down the decline of Your health. Health is a state of complete harmony of mind, body and spirit.
The time since I can remember, You always mentioned death and often wished Your own death. Luckily, You compensated those wishes with the love You felt towards us, and through Your countless kind acts. Despite this, we must remember, what you think about the most and what you focus on the most will appear in your life. While you are thinking, creation is happening. This is how the Law of Attraction works.
After Your 80th Birthday, Your health started to decline rapidly. You spent Your last years in continuous pain. Doctors seem had no idea about the root cause. Meanwhile You lost one of your daughter, Your partner again, all Your siblings except Your oldest sister. You experienced that Time is a cruel thief. We either enjoy every moments in our life, – especially those happy moments with our loved ones – or once we may experience (if we are lucky to live a long life) that everyone we love passes away around us. I cannot even imagine now in the middle of my life how painful it was for You, burying so many of Your loved relatives and friends. You may have found some relief seeing Your four grandchildren growing up and holding in Your arms Your three great-grandchildren – this kept the sparkle in your eyes even during the most difficult days. You loved Your family so much and we loved You too.
When I visited You on that Friday afternoon in the hospital, I shocked seeing you in that weak condition. Your eyes looked into the distance and You looked surrendered to Your destiny. I am so grateful I was able to visit you and I could tell you how much we all love You. We stood 1.5 hours next to Your bed and it was not easy for neither You and us. You may started preparing to the final minutes in your life and you may knew this is the last time you see your daughter and two of your grandchildren. We were hopeful, our grandmother MUST live, this cannot be the end. 30 minutes after we left You, You passed away.
Rest in peace our beloved Grandmother. We will always remember for you and hard to accept, life will never be the same without You.
What a beautiful, loving memorial. I guess, you inherited a lot of your Grandma kind and caring heart. Take care, dear friend.