As a caring human being, I often ask my friends “how are you, how is your life, how are you feeling”? 9 out of 10 times I get the very same answer: “the usual, busy workdays, quick weekends, one day to the other”. “Surviving”. “Nothing happens”. When did we become like this? What is preventing us from making a life changing step that would bring us back the fire? We became brainwashed in this society that makes you believe, you have a perfect life if you have a secure job, own a house, have a husband/wife and 2 children, have two cars in the garage. Would this be it that makes your life fulfilled?
You may sacrifice your life for your work – without being aware of it. You spend long hours daily at work, the evenings are about looking out from head, doing nothing as being too tired. Weekends are about some house work, family visiting. You may feel already dead inside. You call this life? No passion, no motivation, no plans, nothing that would excite you. At your work they can replace you within a short period of time and nobody will remember you. You feel the significance of being important there. Does this feeling worth it? Is this the life you dreamed about at school? Why don’t you realise, you either continue living a zombie life or the time is here NOW to make some changes! You may say, I will go for an adventure once kids are adults, but will you? By your 60s you may become too tired and the adventure will never happen. You procrastinate your happiness until it is too late and all is left: regret.
I have friends who whenever I ask their wellbeing, always responds the same: “I am crushed, dead tired, I work at three places”. Sometimes I feel bad I have only one workplace and even that single source of main income is not exhausting – I always consciously choose my next project keeping in mind how stressful it is, how much effort I should put into the work. For example, shifts, out of hours support and weekend work is a no-no for me. If your are not happy with the conditions given at your workplace, try moving to a different position or change job. It is not acceptable people get so much stress and exhaustion at work, some may even get a heart-attack or any long term illnesses. Your health should be looked after by you, not wait for your boss to treat you better.
How do you live your everyday life? Do you enjoy your mornings and evenings? Do you enjoy your job? How amazing it is waking up for a sunshine, doing something energetic in the morning that wakes you up, like some exercise, meditation, yoga. Instead of scrolling your phone and seeing how your friends live their life. After seeing your friend’s happiness you feel envy for a reason – reminding you something is not complete in your life. How amazing to do a work that gives you challenges and satisfaction and what gives you a reward for every time you accomplish something. I am not saying, I always have a work to do that makes me excited and passionate.
This year I had a work that serves it’s purpose, allows us to pay bills and a perfect stepping stone. I did not expect I would be able to do this work for a long period of time. After 8 months, last week I gave my notice in order to switch contract. I am going to work in a more senior position and at a client who I believe will respect my experiences more. This is the place where I can shine again! Yes, I agree, changing job is a hassle. The employee screening process itself a pain in some positions. Sometimes my onboarding takes 1-3 months until I get all access and there is a project lined up to work on. New colleagues, new environment, new systems to work on. But I know I will do it over and over – making me feel alive!
Many years ago, when I had a job I did not enjoy, I tried replacing a missing feeling with items I purchased. At that time I did not even know what I am missing at my work. Appreciation from my boss? Passion? Excitement? Challenges? All of these? Buying a new watch or a playstation game every time caused me some temporary happiness. Spent evenings with playing on PS3 with a bottle of beer, that made my mind numb. Smoked cigarette that made me relaxed – or as I believed. Years passed one after the other. Waited for that annual vacation. 10 years I spent like this in my life. Then the fire was awaken in me by talking with some supportive friends at work (thank you Dave, Piara and Adi!).
Was looking for opportunities that can give me more freedom more fulfilment in life. I knew, permanent employment is not for me so I became a freelancer. I could choose who to work for, how long with what conditions. This freelancing can bring amazing clients and existing work, occasionally work I do not enjoy – like now. But what a relief knowing, this is temporary and a better contract is on the way to me. 6 years and 6 contracts so far. I never settle, I feel alive when I get challenges. Yes, too exiting sometimes! But I would rather die from excitement than die inside when I am treated as an old office furniture.
You may do a work or business that is no longer causing you any good feeling. You feel sick to show up at work. You know what would make you exited…but your laziness and fear of changing is greater than the willingness to get up from your sofa and do something about your life. It sounds so overwhelming to make those changes and there are too many how’s. Why don’t you just take one step at a time? After the 4th and 5th steps the plan will be more clarified and you become unstoppable. I beg you, take that first step!
You may stuck in a relationship that is causing you more sorrow than happiness. You have no more agreement between you too. You have lack of physical contact. There is no trust. There is no love. You might be even physically or verbally abused. You know you are unhappy but being more afraid of what will happen if you stay alone is stronger than the willingness to quit the relationship. You either spend your life with a partner who you no longer happy with, in pain and sorrow OR you give a chance and start a new life, without him/her! Your choice which option is worse. Please, don’t sacrifice your life for somebody who does not appreciate You. Somebody else may would bring you the Moon down just to be an hour with you…
You might be in a circumstance where you must face with daily/weekly/monthly financial problems. There is an “energy crises” you can read in the news headlines. Cost of food increased in some countries by 30% in 12 month. You feel so much sorry for yourself and for your family, but does that help? You either continue staying in a vulnerable circumstance or you do everything possible to come back up to a level where you can easily go though any financial difficulties. Learn a new skill, have a part time or full time job, research what work you can do from home. What skill you have what somebody would pay you money for? If you have no skills, what is your interest, would you like to study something new? The internet is not just for Facebook,rather the Humanity’s biggest knowledge source. Nowadays you can learn almost any new skill cheap and online! Why don’t you give yourself a chance? Give a try on Udemy or on any of these learning websites.
Every day is an other opportunity for you to live and shine. Why do you settle in a job that does not cause you fulfilment? Why do you settle in a relationship that only hurts you? Why do you feel guilty if you sit down with a book and just enjoy stillness? Is it possible, your life is not unfolded yet…?
There was a time when I felt guilty when I was not useful at work and at home. I remember when -before I gave up being a permanent employed life-, I asked some days off and was just sitting in my armchair for days and started reading a book. I did not read before but I so needed that time in stillness. Nowadays, I do not feel guilty if I work only 30 minutes a day. I have gained enough experience in the last 16 years to get a work done sometimes in 30 minutes. Then I can spend the rest of the day with what pleases me. A nice cafe with my wife, my daily body and mind trainings, reading a book that excites me, chatting with friends or writing a blog post for my readers. I feel no more guilt when I am not busy all day long. I enjoy my days, enjoy the stillness, the possibility I can choose when to do what. Of course, you may have a job that is not allowing you to have a 30 mins break for reading a book. And I am not saying you should be lazy at your work. What I am saying, if you are so expert in your field you do that work in 30 minutes, don’t seek an other job that fills the remaining hours…spend that time on you. Seek opportunities where you can work less and earn more. Work smart, not hard is my philosophy.
You have one life. This life that you are temporary holding on to, has more meaning than what the society suggest. You have to take the opportunity to live the best way possible. Stop complaining about your job. Stop complaining about being lonely or in a wrong relationship. Stop complaining you have no money. Seek the possibilities to make an improvement in your life. If the chain on your bike becomes loose, you adjust on it. Why don’t you make the same adjustment on your life? Will three jobs get you closer to your dream life? Then do it. But if you do the three jobs only to prove yourself and other how significant your life is, how busy you are, stop it. You have the right to live your life the best way you can.
Never forget, you are amazing and capable for far more than you ever imagined!