There are periods in our lives when we truly commit ourselves to accomplishing a goal that may take months or even years to succeed. There is no more procrastination, no negotiation. You focus on getting your project done, whatever it takes.
But that is easier to say than to do!
Our story
Three years ago, we bought a piece of land with a house to make it our base, our BatCave or “RenZo hacienda” — as we call it. We made some progress during the first two years, including getting a new roof and completing some internal demolition work.
To be honest, we rather preferred travelling and, when we had enough, we disappeared for a few months. So we can say we could have done much more work if we had not procrastinated.
In the summer of 2021, my wife and I decided to start our project in March 2022 and reach a certain milestone by the end of June 2022. We had to prepare a lot for this goal, but life made it all a lot harder while we executed our plan.
As part of the preparation, I chose a remote contract for 2022 so I could help around the building site. My wife completed an online course about general house refurbishment & home design. I did my own research about heating and smart home systems. The builder professionals were all reserved to help us make our dream come true. By the end of February, we had reached the point where we were ready to get our hands dirty!
Then the war started in our neighbourhood, in Ukraine, just at the end of February, days before we planned to start the work.
We were in shock, as were many people in the world. How can such an event happen in Europe? We thought WW2 was in the past and that a war could not happen in Europe again, especially in the time of the EU and NATO. Hasn’t humanity learnt enough from wars yet?!
We have a climate crisis, and do we have such a reserve to waste on fighting with each other? Enormous amounts of money are being spent on war rather than on surviving and making the planet a better place — or at least a still-liveable place for the next generation. This war does not make any sense at all to me.
A mixture of thoughts made us anxious for days. Only 500 km from the borders of Ukraine, was it a good idea to spend all our money on our dream that could be destroyed by the Russian army if they decided to extend the borders?
Was this event a valid reason to procrastinate our goal again? Should we leave Europe behind and move to our second home, Paraguay?
A few days later, we decided we were going to start our project. Time will tell whether it was a wise decision, but we still hoped for the best and that the war would end very soon.
Fingers were on the red button of the nuclear rockets, but we could only hope that the people who stood next to those buttons were somehow more evolved than their ancestors and would make a wise decision by not pushing those buttons.
Our project started and we were very excited. Then the next shock came, just on day 2 after we started…
My client said I was not allowed to work from any other country than the UK because of some geographical restrictions related to working for a bank. I did not have to work from an office, but I had to be somewhere on the British island while working.
We had a day to decide what to do next! I spent an hour in panic and felt destroyed. With my wife’s help, I got back up, and we soon decided we must adapt to this obstacle and that it must not be a reason to delay our project.
Our tweaked plan was that my wife stayed behind and coordinated the building project all alone. I did the weekly commute of 5000km for 4 months, working from hotels and sometimes from a friend’s place.
We live 200 kms from the airport, so we also had to consider the weekly 800 km return trips to the airport. We knew we could make it, but with what mental and physical state would we come out?
During the 4 months, life was throwing even more difficulties at us, ones we had never faced before. In our flat, the heating system broke and caused a headache for two months. Freezing rain in May caused 600(!) small damages to our car.
For two months, I had regular weekly dental surgeries to install 4 dental implants in one go. This was my choice, as I had started the whole process the previous September and wanted to finish it.
I also had to deal with regular delays at the airports. With staff and fuel shortages, sometimes the delays were 5-6 hours. At the building site, we could see materials costing 2-6x more than 2 years earlier, including the daily and hourly rates of builder professionals.
Meanwhile, I started looking for a career change and attended some interviews. In our flat, due to the heavy rainfall, our ceiling started to leak water in one room.
We experienced more problems in life around us than with our project itself. For two months, I spent the weekdays working in the UK, while at weekends we spent our time together working around the house. This started to have a knock-on effect on our relationship with my wife, and we had to do something about it.
I must mention here that my wife coordinated more work threads at the same time at the site. She really did an amazing job there. Managing a refurbishment is a full-time job, and I appreciate that she decided to pause her business until she got this project done.
Thank you, Reni. I am very grateful for you.
We had set an end date for the project at the end of June, when we had to reach about 80% completion.
But would we survive 4 months of being separate during the week, both of us under high pressure and in the middle of a bunch of obstacles in our lives? How would we stay strong and motivated?
As we were right at the end of June, I could finally say:
WE MADE IT!
Even in such extreme conditions, we made it. But how did we do it?
10 tips to accomplish a long-term goal
- Have a goal that has meaning for you. For us, this goal was to have a new base that would always be there with all the comfort we need after long journeys. Self-motivation happens naturally when we attach value and meaning to something. Ask yourself: “What would this goal give me emotionally if I reached it?” How would your life change if you accomplished this project?
- Answer your self-limiting thoughts before you start. During the thinking period, when you set your goal, answer questions such as: “Will this work?” “Is this now the right time?” “What if…?” Answer all these thoughts and start executing your plan. During the implementation phase, avoid rethinking the answers to questions you have already answered. Otherwise, you make yourself uncertain and can block yourself from succeeding.
- Create a plan that can adapt to obstacles. You never know what will happen in the world or around you, but you should not become distracted and lose focus on succeeding. A goal needs to have a clear endpoint. What milestones do you want to reach, and when? At the building site, we had a milestone set every month, defining what stage we wanted to reach and by when.
- Have daily habits that help keep your energy high. I have a strong morning routine that I could practise anywhere, even in the tiniest hotel room: 20 minutes of Wim Hof breathing technique, 20 minutes of yoga and 20 minutes of chest expander exercise. With my morning coffee, I write in my gratitude journal about the process of my project, my wellbeing and arriving safely — or whatever the actual thing is that I am grateful for. In the afternoon, I usually have a minimum 30-minute walk. These habits kept me balanced and energetic, even after a 12-hour journey. Helping others raised my vibration, too. Even during very busy periods, I did not ignore my friends. Kindness makes a difference. Music can also switch on the Happy button, so listen to your favourite music.
- Motivate yourself when your willpower is about to run out. You are fortunate if you have family or friends who keep motivating you, but sadly most of us are not this fortunate. I continued reading self-development books. I recommend Drew Povey: When the Clouds Come and Jordanna Levin: Make It Happen! Reading about motivation and how to deal with obstacles in life helped me get through this period. During my morning exercise, I listened to Motiversity videos, which really helped me start the days strong.
- Stay energetic and monitor your mental and physical state. Working on a project for months can lead to burnout. Take small strategic breaks, even an afternoon off with your friend or spouse. If you feel you are over your limit, have a longer break, like a weekend. Connect with people and socialise. Try mindful practices like meditation and yoga.
- Teach yourself to ask, “How can I?” Robert Kiyosaki said: Teach yourself to never say “I can’t”. Instead, train your brain to ask, “How can I?” Never say, “I can’t afford it.” Instead, say, “I can afford it!” Often, after seeing a cheque, I had to remind myself about the rich mindset and think, “I can afford it” — even when it was not the case. I just trusted that abundance was continually flowing to us and that money was not an issue! If you get into a worrying loop, it makes things much harder and can cause anxiety.
- Remind yourself: “This will pass too.” I reminded myself that this time would pass too when faced with 3 hours of border control after midnight, 5-hour delays and situations when I got to bed only in the morning. This is a powerful sentence you can repeat to yourself mentally in any stressful situation. It helps you get through a time when you feel the clock has stopped.
- Commit your focus to one goal and accomplish it. The success of this project will motivate you to start new goals. In an ideal world, from planning your project to completing it, you would have no obstacles. But often, as you can see from our example, this is not the case. Prepare to solve problems while moving forward.
- When motivation dies, discipline must take over — and protect the relationship. Often, we have to take steps towards our goal that are crucial for success, but we simply do not feel the desire to do them. You can apply the finishing-line technique: imagine the outcome of your goal, visualise the end result and focus on that while doing the boring or unwanted part. Your favourite music in the background can also help you execute tasks you do not want to do. At the same time, if you are pursuing a major goal with your partner, do not focus only on the project. Protect the relationship, make time for each other and remember that the person beside you matters more than the project itself.
The struggle
I cannot deny there were some weekends and days when we felt awful. In the last 3 years, we had spent 24/7 together. Suddenly, we were no longer there for each other every minute.
This was our decision because, without me working in the UK and Reni being on the building site, this project could not be completed. We both had to deal with loneliness. We love hugging each other and missed these intimate moments.
Sometimes one of us started losing track, and soon this radiated out to the other half. Being separated from each other was probably the most challenging part of the last 4 months.
We feel we are half as powerful without each other. The intimate moments were very rare, weekends were very busy and we had almost every hour planned. The first 2 months were the most intense. Then we introduced more quality time to keep the balance.
I was okay supporting myself, but I was not capable enough to support Reni when she needed it the most. We had arguments because of this.
Fortunately, we always managed to talk through our issues, and we always agreed that this was a situation we had to deal with. Then we would get back on track again.
If you have a goal like this together with your partner, try to work on it as a good team. Teamwork is very important. It is also important to focus not just on the project, but on the relationship.
The conclusion
I hope sharing my story and these techniques and tips will help you start your next BIG project and succeed with it. Or somehow, I hope it will even inspire you.
We are very grateful that we managed to reach the 80% completion of our project, and we learnt many lessons.
We are now preparing to have a 2-month break. Then, in September, we will finish the remaining 20% of the refurbishment.
This break will be well deserved, and we will spend it doing what we love the most: travelling, walking in nature, visiting historic places and reading more books with a nice cuppa coffee.
Some statistics:
- 16 weeks return trip between Hungary and the UK
- All together 76.800 km travelled in air
- ~145 hours spent travelling in air and on the road
- ~12.800 km travelled on the road by car
- ~£3500 spent on air tickets
- ~£3000 spent on hotels and accommodations
- Countless hours spent driving to the house and working there
Looking back, the numbers tell one story. The project itself tells another. But for me, the biggest achievement was proving that even when life keeps throwing obstacles at you, you can still keep moving forward.
Now I want to hear from you.
What is the longest or hardest goal you have ever committed yourself to? What almost made you give up, and what made you continue?
Share your story in the comments. You never know who might be reading it and finding the motivation to keep going with their own difficult goal.
If this post gave you something useful, share it with someone who is currently in the middle of a long, difficult project. And if you want to support what I am building here on Hunthentic, you can also support the blog through the donation option on the site.
…and the story to be continued…
